NCD in shambles over the fact that they missed out on getting combat aircraft for the price of a cheap car.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the reason is as simple as buying them so Russia can't.

The article frames them as garbage, but they're still 4th gen fighters. Same vintage as the F-16 and F-15, and the US still operates tons of those. 4th gen stuff is a whole lot cheaper to run than 5th gen, and that will probably keep 4th gen stuff flying for a long time.

Granted, they're probably not very well maintained, and the F-16 and F-15 have gotten upgrades over the decades and these probably didn't. The US doesn't have spare parts to keep them maintained (except by cannibalizing one plane to keep the other one running), and any weapon hardpoints would need to be adapted to US missiles. There probably isn't any interesting intelligence to be gained from them anymore. So, yeah, spare parts for Ukraine seems most likely.

Pepsi could’ve finally given that kid a jet and had a PR boost on the cheap, although not a Harier

Probably for spare parts and then used as dummy aircraft after that, all for Ukraine. For less than 20k per plane, that's pretty damn good. And Ukraine could certainly use the parts. Though I hope we also donate a considerable amount of our aging out planes and tanks. They'd serve Ukraine well and get second, well-deserved life overseas.

Theyre gunna be rented out as props in a forthcoming "Top Gun" prequel.

How hard would it be to turn these into drones?

Considering that Congress just (fucking finally) handed the President a whole lot of money in "Presidential Drawdown Authority". I suspect the conversation is going to go a whole lot like:
US DoD: We bought all these former Soviet shit-boxes to prevent them being used by Russia and to build goodwill with Kazakhstan.
US President: Hey, look at all these former Soviet shitboxes the DoD has sitting in inventory. We don't need these. I'm giving them to Ukraine who can find a use for them.

Makes sense, don't want Russia to get their hands on them.

Very nice

How the hell did Eric Prince not get in on his first?

This is the best summary I could come up with:

Given Ukraine's continued reliance on Soviet-era weapons, the aircraft could either serve as a source of spare parts or be strategically deployed as decoys at airfields, said the Post.

But the Central Asian country's efforts to upgrade its military capabilities coincide with its increasing engagement with Western nations, signaling a shift away from historical ties with Moscow, per the Kyiv Post's analysis.

Kazakhstan and Western nations are showing increasing cooperation, with recent diplomatic engagements including a visit from UK Foreign Minister David Cameron to Astana, the capital.

Secretary of State Antony Blinken visited the central Asian country in March 2023, where he said that the US "strongly supports Kazakhstan's sovereignty, its independence, its territorial integrity," according to news agency AFP.

One notable Russian TV commentator, Vladimir Solovyov, said that his country "must pay attention to the fact that Kazakhstan is the next problem because the same Nazi processes can start there as in Ukraine."

Agreements on trade, education, environment, and mineral supplies reflect the deepening ties between Kazakhstan and Western nations as they navigate geopolitical challenges posed by neighboring countries like Russia, China, Afghanistan, and Iran.

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