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No. No it does not.
Yes. It does 🤣
There, now things are balanced again.
No. They aren't!
√(yes)
No kidding. I'm apparently the only person who has ever had an amicable divorce where we just realized we weren't compatible and never felt the need to bash each other. The post-divorce crowd can be pretty dire. They should mandate a certain number of therapy sessions before you can sign up for a dating app.
From what I've learned, it has a lot to do with attachment styles.
My ex is avoidant, with some pretty narcissistic traits (love bombing, then refusal to even hug because it's too much).
I was/am anxious, or as the couples counselor told me "clingy."
In our one-on-ones, she summarized up a book we had been assigned (which my ex didn't read lol) that it was a statistic thing. 50% of people are secure style - they meet, and tend to stay together cause it just works. ~25% are anxious, and they do ok together and work fine with secure. ~25% are avoidant, and unfortunately, unless they work towards secure attachments, are pretty much always in and out of relationships. There's a small amount of "disorganized" that has both insecure styles, but they tend towards secure over time.
The result is that the older you get, the dating pool shrinks. There will always been avoidant people available though. Secure style people are great at recognizing avoidant and typically don't put up with their bullshit for long. Anxious attachment though end up with avoidants and it becomes a terrible thing, the anxious will do anything to stay, causing the avoidant to do things out of the relationship more.
If you could guess one common thing amongst avoidants that finally ends the relationship, what would it be? If you said cheating, you'd be completely right. It's really hard to end amicably after that.
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As a 35+ would you rather be with someone who’s had bad experiences in relationships, or no experience in relationships?
Is there a third option?
Depends how many bad experiences. If all your relationships were a bad experience, then there is a good chance you were the reason for that
Very true
Like a guy I know who is divorced four times... Thinks he has really bad luck. Nope buddy. It's you.
Give him a book called "Attached" by Levine and Heller. I doubt he'll actually make any changes, but it's a good way to tell him it's him without you having to say it at all.
No experience. All bad experiences means more potential for either a lot of unchecked baggage, that person is the cause of the bad experiences, or both.
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I'm just waiting til I get to the retirement home in about 35 years, they're like huge orgies.
I wish I didn’t know this first hand
What happened?
They removed the headstones but left the bodies!
I don't quite get it. Is the problem that you miss being pursued by younger people?
All the good men are already taken, the ones who are still available are single for a reason.
Or we became so insecure in our previous relationship that we're terrified of meeting new people :).
Can't get hurt that way.
No matter the gender the issue is the same
If you think the single men are bad that age, look at the women!
If you're still looking for good men at 35 you're also single for a reason
Not necessarily. If she was an anxious attached style she'd be more likely to fall for avoidant men. She could either:
- Now recognize the red flags of avoidants and not subject herself to that.
- Be unaware of the red flags of avoidants and keep making the same mistake
- Recently left a long term relationship as an secure individual and discover how many avoidants really exist.
Of course you are right, she could be avoidant to, in which case hopefully she'll learn sooner rather than later that fearing intimacy and vulnerability is detrimental, and that healthy codependency is actually a thing. But it's not easy for them to do so.
I don't like to think that everyone is incapable of finding someone, people just need to figure out why. Pointing out "single for a reason" seems counterproductive and a bit disrespectful.
Sorry you’re so incurably single you’ve latched onto dating advice thats as accurate as horoscopes.
Like I hope it gets better for you but… yikes.
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I think “single for a reason” is what all that attachment theory shit is trying to help contextualize. It specifically sets the context as “single for a fixable reason” if you have the courage and humility to do the work.
Is living in the forest because I'm afraid of the federal government a "fixable" reason?
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single for a reason
is the reason maybe that it's hard dating after 35 or is that only a valid excuse for women?
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Four suitors? What is she, a billionaire?!
What's the movie? I really identify with corpse #3
Poltergeist
Also she's swimming with real bodies because it was cheaper.
Oh, alright, so it was rubber, only on real bones.
Do I remember correctly that these were real bodies because it was cheaper than fakes?
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Im not that ugly am I?
I'm at least a little bit more self-secure that at least I have eyes and hair!?
Not ugly at all.
Truth time tho, I've been noticing more of those positives lately. Just a little bit of effort makes a difference.
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I know you’re not from the South because down there the first wave of divorces is at about 21 years old with three kids
Not all of the kids have to be theirs either.
Southerner here to confirm. I'm 36, graduated in 2004, I know a few people my age with 20 year olds now. 🙄
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The solution is to just stop bothering trying and accept that you'll always be alone, or that at some point you'll stumble upon a person who you like and likes you back.
Im lesbian and know 2 lesbians, so like, I doubt that's going to happen, so I just do the former.
After 35 is the first wave of divorces?
Dude most people I know don't start thinking about marriage or kids before 30
I feel this in my core. Dating in your 30s is like dating at max difficulty
I find it much easier!
- People are less shy
- They have more experience
- They know better what they are looking for
- Their fantasy marriage/life has been renounced
- People are much more chill about sex matters
- Their romantic histories are quite telling
- Most people have their own place
- Careers are mostly stable
/
Cons
- Much smaller dating pool
- Many have kids already
- More difficult to make friends/meet people in general
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The problem is, everyone THINKS that they're the woman in this meme.
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this post was submitted on 10 Aug 2024
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