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You are now a duck, what do you do first?? (lemmy.world)
submitted 9 months ago by Therealmglitch@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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You are still you, you can speak human language that you already know, and you know how to speak duck.

You have to learn how to be a duck. This means you gotta learn how to fly, hunt food, etc.

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[-] orangeNgreen@lemmy.world 78 points 9 months ago

I’d walk to a lemonade stand to see if they had any grapes.

[-] spicytuna62@lemmy.world 41 points 9 months ago

Then (and I cannot emphasize this enough) I'd waddle away.

[-] Tippon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 9 months ago

Till the very next day?

[-] Therealmglitch@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago

It's been 84 years...

[-] BustinJiber@lemmy.world 55 points 9 months ago

Put on a blue cap, blue nautical shirt; but, and I can't stress this enough, NO PANTS.

[-] DoctorWhookah@sh.itjust.works 17 points 9 months ago

But for gods sake, wrap yourself in a towel after you shower.

[-] shapesandstuff@feddit.de 6 points 9 months ago

Hand cover your crotch if someone walks in on you

[-] doggle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 53 points 9 months ago

Quack

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[-] Drunemeton@lemmy.world 45 points 9 months ago

FLY!

Damn, 3 hour old post and no one said FLY!? Ya’all need to be ducks more often…

[-] GobiasIndustries@lemmy.world 13 points 9 months ago

This guy ducks

[-] SwingingTheLamp@midwest.social 8 points 9 months ago

Autocorrect has its moment of glory!

[-] Jimmycrackcrack@lemmy.ml 31 points 9 months ago

Quack

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[-] Susaga@ttrpg.network 28 points 9 months ago

Open a wine bottle, maybe? Put the corkscrew to use.

[-] Therealmglitch@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

"Bro, you see that duck over there? It stole my wine bottle"

[-] Susaga@ttrpg.network 6 points 9 months ago

"Do you want it back? It's already open now." "You know what? I think I'll pass."

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[-] tubbadu@lemmy.kde.social 21 points 9 months ago

Quak

[-] shapesandstuff@feddit.de 19 points 9 months ago

Quack

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[-] OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca 17 points 9 months ago

Murder.

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[-] loopy@lemm.ee 15 points 9 months ago

Depends, am I a horse-sized duck? I might have some people to fight

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[-] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 15 points 9 months ago

Pick one person at a time and speak to them in human language. In some cases it will be to give them a special magical friend, in other cases it will be to cause them to question their sanity.

Then I'd get to seeing about this whole corkscrew dick thing.

[-] ElderWendigo@sh.itjust.works 15 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Lea Thompson For those who are unfamiliar, let me introduce you to Howard the Duck (really the first movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe).

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[-] Taleya@aussie.zone 14 points 9 months ago

Crime

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[-] LopensLeftArm@sh.itjust.works 13 points 9 months ago

Got any grapes?

[-] kemsat@lemmy.world 13 points 9 months ago

Head downtown & act cute until a college girl adopts me as her pet. Duck-nuzzle some boobies.

[-] souperk@reddthat.com 12 points 9 months ago

I would learn to fly and then fly to one of those parks where secret service agents meet. Become a spy and sell the intelligence I gather.

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[-] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 11 points 9 months ago

Peace was never an option.

[-] Macaroni_ninja@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago

Check if my quack has an echo

[-] livus@kbin.social 10 points 9 months ago
  • explain the whole thing to my partner and ask them to protect me.

Failing that:

  • carefully waddle to where I know people feed ducks

  • practice flying and copy other ducks

  • ask other ducks for tips

[-] SuiXi3D@kbin.social 9 points 9 months ago

I’d float around in the water as my body would now resemble a boat.

[-] ExLisper@linux.community 9 points 9 months ago

Cover my feathers in wax like substance from my ass glands. Once I'm all waxed up I go for a swim.

[-] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 9 points 9 months ago

Find /u/fuckswithducks

[-] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 8 points 9 months ago

Fly into the sunset.

Sunset

[-] Vode_An@lemmy.ml 8 points 9 months ago

I find someone with a corkscrew fetish.

[-] mcqtom@lemmy.world 7 points 9 months ago

Pretty sure I'd drop my phone.

[-] DharmaCurious@startrek.website 7 points 9 months ago

Probably contacting some media outlets to try and monetize my talking-duck status, and wondering if if my life expectancy is on par with duck or human.

[-] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago

Do you want to end up being dissected in a government lab? Because that's how you get dissected in a government lab.

[-] CrimeDad@lemmy.crimedad.work 7 points 9 months ago

Betray my country.

[-] Wes_Dev@lemmy.ml 7 points 9 months ago

I would have an exploding corkscrew penis. I'll find ways to entertain myself.

[-] DoctorWhookah@sh.itjust.works 6 points 9 months ago

I’d head straight to Subway for my free sandwich!

[-] Candelestine@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago

Probably open up my phone and pull up youtube to watch some duck documentaries. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be eating or what things out there are usually wanting to eat me.

[-] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 6 points 9 months ago

There are some really good "I just woke up as a duck" tutorials on Coursera.

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[-] Damaskox@kbin.social 6 points 9 months ago

Probably make a poo on the floor.
Either mine or in the hallway (if I know how to open the door).

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this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2023
107 points (90.8% liked)

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