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Ballaholic I'm guessing (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
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[-] meep_launcher@lemm.ee 0 points 2 weeks ago

This reminds me of how when I was young, my dad would get us an extra order of desert when mom left to use the restroom. It was the best dad move. Ofc I was an anxiety case while trying to eat the ice cream before mom got back, it was that intense anxiety where it felt something was following you. Do you know? No. All you know is that every fiber in your being told you you needed get out of that old warehouse as soon as possible. You keep running, avoiding roots and rocks. You keep second guessing yourself. Where we alone? You look to see if Sam followed you but he's nowhere to be seen. You swear you two looked at eachother with the same chill just moments ago. You call out to him, but you hear nothing. You slow down and turn around but the sun has already set and the trees shroud any sense of direction. You call out again, but regret it instantly.

The weight of something big is coming.

You pick a direction and go in an all out sprint. You don't know where you are going but know whatever has been tracking you is behind you. You are now shrieking call for Sam but he is long gone. The ground below you shifts as you come to a steep decline. You stumble but catch yourself, only to find the moss on the ground won't hold you. You slip and roll into a ravine, and as you fall your ankle hits a rock. You don't know if it's broken but at this point you know that whatever is behind you is worse than the pain of each step. You are limping but moving, but now you are losing ground. The bushes burst open behind you and in the shock you fall back down, firmly breaking the leg you tried so hard to ignore. You turn over while you writhe in pain to see what remained of Sam being held by what couldn't be a man but couldn't be a beast. He comes forward smelling the air furiously. You didn't want to believe it, but Sam was taken and soon you will be too. In your final moments, a face finally comes 2 inches from yours.

You didn't want to believe things could go south so fast. You didn't want to believe Sam was dead. You didn't want to believe you never would sleep in your bed or eat rainbow Sherbet again. You didn't want to believe your eyes when you saw him-

Shia LaBeouf.

Anyway when mom came back dad would always take the heat for us, but he's a funny guy and mom couldn't stay mad for long.

[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

Damn, how long did your mom spend in restaurant bathrooms?

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[-] sirico@feddit.uk 0 points 1 week ago

I've seen parasite check his bag

[-] BruceTwarzen@lemm.ee 0 points 2 weeks ago

I don't know why i'm a fat diabetic

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 0 points 2 weeks ago

Big bones and bad genes, clearly

[-] finickydesert@lemmy.ml 0 points 2 weeks ago
[-] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

Don't tell him they are made of meat, though

[-] jaybone@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

Aren’t we all made of meat?

[-] ZeroCool@slrpnk.net 0 points 2 weeks ago

WHAT WAS HE HIDING

That he wanted six extra meatballs?

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[-] iceonfire1@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

Probably he's on a diet and his wife won't let him eat more than 1 order of meatballs.

[-] Prewash_Required@sh.itjust.works 0 points 2 weeks ago

Gout, probably

[-] bstix@feddit.dk 0 points 2 weeks ago

She's gonna complain about the bill.

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[-] cRazi_man@lemm.ee 0 points 2 weeks ago

She isn't going to order her own meatballs and is going to pick off his plate. He wanted to make sure he got to eat his fill without sharing.

[-] Droggelbecher@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

What happened to communicating with your partner

[-] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

This is non verbal communication.

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[-] NeatNit@discuss.tchncs.de 0 points 2 weeks ago

That's a good theory.

[-] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 0 points 2 weeks ago

Joey doesn't share food!

[-] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 0 points 2 weeks ago

He knows his wife likes the meatballs, but isn't going to order her own, so he eats two, claims he's stuffed, and let's her have the last one.

He actually is stuffed, because the ones she saw him eat were actually numbers 7 & 8 and she's happy because she gets a meatball without ordering extra food.

So wholesome!

[-] CaliforniaSober@lemmy.ca 0 points 2 weeks ago

“ Wait… I worry what you heard was, ‘Give me a lot of bacon and eggs.’ What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?”

[-] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Ahh Ron Swanson, the only conservative the world ever needs.

Aaand here goes a five page discussion about whether if Ron is conservative or not

[-] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

He's the wet dream ideal of conservative libertarianism, so yeah.

[-] yannic@lemmy.ca 0 points 2 weeks ago

[In my best nature documentarisn voice] Behold, what appears to be moving goalposts to the outside observer is actually a side-effect of the first-past-the-post system's tendency towards two dominant parties.

[-] BetaBlake@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

His heart disease

[-] Mr_Blott@feddit.uk 0 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Imagine all the time this guy saves by typing like he's doing it with his fucking face

[-] Emerald@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

It's sorta greentext-like

[-] minibyte@sh.itjust.works 0 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

b4

That’s a bingo!

[-] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 0 points 2 weeks ago

He's an amateur, he typed out "ate" instead of using "8"!

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[-] robocall@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

I know someone who's husband would go to taco bell in secret and she would see the charge alerts on her phone.

[-] Psythik@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

Why his his bank account logged into her phone? Are joint bank accounts really a thing, or are the wife and I the weird ones for keeping our finances separate?

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 0 points 2 weeks ago

Are joint bank accounts really a thing

Are you joking? Of course they are a thing lol

[-] frazorth@feddit.uk 0 points 2 weeks ago

We have joint and personal accounts.

Joint account for bills, if anything were to happen to me I would like her to be able to pay bills, or even see they exist to cancel them.

Joint account for salary deposit and a joint savings on it for covering our 3 months of bills.

Personal account for discretionary spending, each month we put some pocket money in each of our personal account to blow on beer/taco bell/whatever.

[-] radicalautonomy@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

You're not the weird ones. I used to have joint accounts with my then-wife, but I'll never do that again. Mainly because I will never marry again (ridiculous concept if you ask me - the government charging you money so that they can approve your relationship is bananas to me, and then paying them more to dissolve it if it doesn't work out), but also because I haven't met many people out there who manage their own money well, so why would I ever put them in a position of control over the money I earn?

[-] OmnislashIsACloudApp@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

my wife and I are joint, just easier that way. what surprises me more is that someone would set up alerts for the low expense levels that would be triggered by Taco bell.

I don't really understand why folks would do separate it just seems like more trouble for no benefit unless there has been a specific reason or issues to trigger that.

(for example my dad and stepmom had separate accounts after she spent so much one Christmas that I had to pay their rent)

[-] Linktank@lemmy.today 0 points 2 weeks ago

Low expense at Taco Bell? Ha! You must not have been there since the 90s!

[-] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 0 points 2 weeks ago

what surprises me more is that someone would set up alerts for the low expense levels that would be triggered by Taco bell

I've had banking apps that sent you a notification when something was charged from the account. Helps keep track of the money since there's some automatic charges.

[-] dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 0 points 2 weeks ago

All our accounts are totally joint and wife and I carry basically the same credit cards. No reason to be separate IMO. Only need one check book that way and I can pay all the bills for all the cards in one place.

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[-] Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone 0 points 2 weeks ago

My wife and I keep our finances separate too.

Except we both send money to an account that's in my name offsetting the mortgage on the house that's in my name too. My wife wants access to this account because she's worried if I die the bank will make it hard to get at the cash since it's offset and joint savings all in one.

Not to mention we don't have wills and she's been pushing for that for a few years.

The more I think about it, she might be planning on killing me haha

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[-] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago

Maybe he wanted to be sure he tried and ordered the best item so that it would impress her.

[-] Nuke_the_whales@lemmy.world 0 points 2 weeks ago
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this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2024
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