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Someone has to stop him
(startrek.website)
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And this is why temporary fixes live in production databases for decades.
We had a similar issue with batch management, and the quick & dirty fix was to export the relevant db entries to .csv, run it through a parser, apply the necessary modifications, export to .sql with all new column labels, and then change the front-end to display the value of the new fields only.
Ran that through a cron-job every 5 minutes and done.
End users complained about the "nil" in the field initially right after inputting new data. The quick fix to the quick fix? Set a default value to "calculating, please stand by" instead of nil. They'd be frantically reloading, but never again blame IT.