That's me right now. I walk/bike when I have to go in to work, and have a Fit for when I need a vehicle otherwise. I wish I could go smaller, but I don't want to buy a new car until I need to.

oh my god you're right. I need to go find my grouchy pants (they sit somewhere just below my chin) and get on that...

I would love to give off “old man yelling at clouds” energy. If I had a lawn, I’d yell at people to stay off it, but sometimes very quietly so I can eavesdrop on their drama.
I don’t see normie used online often, and OP was clear it was meant to be mildly insulting, along the lines of basic:

Oh, what’s a better word to describe someone who is super mainstream and only likes something if other people like it or they were told to like it?

Is it yelling at clouds to remind people to be nicer to each other?

Aglets. Can't remember where I learned the word.